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Home Divorce

How to Start a Collaborative Divorce with Your Partner

by Penny Tucker
February 4, 2026
in Divorce
0

If you have been married for a while and are getting fed up with the divorce court proceedings, you may want to start looking for a different path to divorce. Collaborative divorce is the way to go. When people use this method, they can meet in person once or twice a month for some hours. We all know how divorce can be costly and emotionally draining. The legal fees alone can cost thousands of dollars. Not to mention, how about the emotional turmoil?

While some people see divorce as a last resort, others see it as a chance to create a new life and start fresh. People who have been through divorce know that starting over is hard. It’s often painful to re-learn the new normal of your life, particularly when you are still emotionally attached to your ex. It’s important to find a way to start again that feels good for both of you. We will walk you through the steps involved in creating a collaborative divorce. You will discover how to build a collaborative divorce.

Article Summary show
What is a collaborative divorce?
Who can be a part of a collaborative divorce?
What happens during a collaborative divorce?
What are the pros and cons of a collaborative divorce?
What are the alternatives to a collaborative divorce?
Traditional divorce
Cost
Divorce mediation
Frequently Asked Questions Collaborative Divorce
Top 4 Myths About Collaborative Divorce
Conclusion

What is a collaborative divorce?

A collaborative divorce is when you and your partner come together to find the best solution for your family. Collaborative divorces are becoming more common, especially among couples struggling with high-conflict relationships and financial difficulties.

The best thing about this kind of divorce is that it doesn’t require hiring an expensive lawyer or going through a court battle.

Instead, you and your partner work together to craft an agreement that meets your needs. Collaborative divorce is a win-win situation. Research shows that the average person saves about $5,000, and the average couple saves over $9,000.

Who can be a part of a collaborative divorce?

Anyone can be a part of a collaborative divorce, even if you are not the main breadwinner. Collaborative divorces are not always based on financial considerations but are usually based on the needs of the children.

You can collaborate with your spouse on custody, child support payments, and visitation. In addition, there are times when your partner may be able to assist you in paying off debts or helping you build up savings.

Collaborative divorces are usually considered in cases where one or both parties have a history of domestic violence. The law allows for a collaborative divorce in patients with no history of domestic violence.

What happens during a collaborative divorce?

In a collaborative divorce, both parties are actively involved in the process. No lawyer represents one of the partners, and each partner has equal representation throughout the process.

A settlement is a set of rules that dictate what happens in the future. When the couple agrees, the judge will sign off on a payment. If the spouses cannot agree, the court will order a trial to decide the matter.

What are the pros and cons of a collaborative divorce?

The main pro of a collaborative divorce is that you and your partner can work together to decide what happens to your assets. Collaborative divorce differs from traditional divorce because you don’t have to go through a court hearing or mediation.

Instead, you and your partner work together to figure out a fair property division. The advantage of this process is that you can negotiate a fair settlement before you go to court. This will help you avoid going to court, which saves you money. However, it also means your partner can ask for more, leading to arguments.

One of the main disadvantages of a collaborative divorce is splitting assets that you and your spouse created together. This is why it is best to only go for this option if you and your partner can agree on splitting up the assets.

If you and your partner can’t agree, you might end up in court, where the judge decides.

What are the alternatives to a collaborative divorce?

Most people think collaborative divorce is only for couples who have been married and together for years. While this is true, it doesn’t mean they are the only option for divorce.

Collaborative divorce is a process that can be used to end a marriage, no matter how long you’ve been together. If you’re looking to end your marriage and aren’t sure whether or not this is the best option, here are some alternatives.

Traditional divorce

Traditional divorce is the typical court-supervised process. This means that the couple must go through a series of hearings where they argue about the union’s dissolution.

During this process, each party must present evidence for why they deserve the divorce. If the judge agrees, you will be legally separated, and one of you will receive the divorce papers.

There are a lot of things to consider when deciding on a traditional divorce.

Cost

One of the biggest factors is how much money will be spent on the divorce. You pay for lawyers and court fees when going through a traditional divorce.

A lot of couples find that this is just too expensive, so they look for a cheaper alternative.

Divorce mediation

Divorce mediation is a less expensive, less stressful, and quicker alternative to traditional divorce. Couples choose to use this mainly because it saves them money. Divorce mediation involves having a neutral third party (such as a lawyer) who helps negotiate between both parties.

The most common way of working with a mediator is to have a “face-to-face” meeting. The mediator will ask you questions and then give you advice based on your answers.

After you and your partner meet with the mediator, the mediator will prepare a report that you both sign. If the two of you are happy with the outcome, then you can go back to court to finalize the divorce. You can also use a divorce mediation service that is available online. These services are usually cheaper than face-to-face.

Frequently Asked Questions Collaborative Divorce

Q: Do you think a couple should start with a collaborative divorce?

A: I think a couple should start with a collaborative divorce. You are still married, but you have more of a partnership.

Q: Should you have an attorney involved in starting the collaborative divorce?

A: I think that a lawyer can be very helpful. However, having an attorney you feel comfortable with and trust is important.

Q: What is the first step in starting a collaborative divorce?

A: The first step is to talk to your partner and discuss your feelings about getting divorced. Once you decide you both want to get divorced, you must file a divorce petition.

Top 4 Myths About Collaborative Divorce

1. You have to get divorced or separated.

2. There has to be a problem.

3. You have to be at fault.

4. You have to do something you don’t want to do.

Conclusion

My husband and I were married for 13 years and decided to separate. He was given primary custody of our two boys, and I was given direct control of our girls. I felt like I needed to start planning for my future, so I started researching how to create a collaborative divorce. Collaborative divorce is a great way to save time and money by working together to decide where you and your children will live, how to divide assets, and what parenting plan you will follow. This process may also prevent you from going to court and getting a divorce.

Penny Tucker

Penny Tucker

I’m not the typical corporate attorney. Instead, I write about things I’m passionate about—including law, finance, and politics. In addition to writing, I’ve taught a class on writing for lawyers and am a contributing editor for lawrenca.com. To learn more, check out my site: https://lawrenca.com/

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